games

today in the car i started playing a new game with Nōweo.

see, i LOOOOOVE music and if our children couldn't carry a tune or keep a beat, 

...i would be sad...

so today I decided to blast the music as I was running errands

and tap my belly to the beat. 

I'm not sure if she likes it or if she's irritated because she immediately started squirming.

later I was working and playing music on the laptop,

and she was twisting

and turning

and poking things out

i call it dancing

it was LOVELY.

can't wait to dance with her for real 

no one tells you the pain starts before labor

I was telling my husband today that I really feel like my pregnancy has kicked it up a knotch, like it's tipping the scale between kinda pregnant and 

really 

REALLY

 pregnant.

 Still, ok...I'm only at week 32, but this weekend I felt like my pelvis took a beating. 

Basically, it hurts to 

stand,

 walk,

 put on pants,

 basically do anything that requires my legs.

 I've been getting sciatic pain over the last few weeks, but this is by far the worst, most enduring body ache that I've experienced. 

I feel like my pelvic bone is bruised on the inside. 

Not fun.

 I don't think I'll be going anywhere any time soon. Hopefully it's just Nōweo's position and sheʻll move somewhere else and give me some relief. I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms. I think theyʻre much better suited to carrying her than my pelvic bone.

Hereʻs what I think Iʻm meant to learn from this:

That pregnancy is a journey that has twists and turns.

We must learn to be flexible,

patient,

and submissive

to whatever

I mean WHATEVER

comes our way.

Hey...wait a minute...

that sounds like parenthood in general.

doesnʻt it? 

Labor P.A.I.N.

I mentioned an interesting pain acronym in my youtube vlogs that we learned about in our birth class the other week. Since I didn't go into details about it there, I'll go ahead and post it here for you to read up on. I'm not sure exactly who to credit for this information, so I'll just summarize it.

Purposeful: Labor pains bring about the birth of a baby. Usually pain indicates that there's a problem. For example, when we break a bone, it hurts because our body is signaling to our brain that something's wrong. In labor, nothing's wrong. The pain is there to direct our body to open up and birth the baby. The pain will direct our movements, whether to eat or drink, use the bathroom, etc. Rather than thinking of a contraction as such, it may be useful to think of it as an expansion. This is exactly what the body needs to do to safely birth a baby.

Anticipated: In my own experience with the usual type of pain (the pain that indicates something is wrong) it hurts more because I'm not expecting it and I'm fearful of the unknown. But if you're pregnant, you know you're going to experience labor pains eventually, so prepare for it! Figure out what soothes and relaxes you. Check out my previous post for ideas.

Intermittent: When I first really understood this, it totally empowered me: You're only in pain HALF the time! People say they had an 18 hour labor, and we tend to think they were in constant pain, but contractions COME AND GO! We know this, but it's still a novel idea. Our doula said she's seen people FALL ASLEEP between contractions! Even if it's just 2 minutes. It gives them the boost they need to cope with the next one. So really, an 18 hour labor may be only 9 hours of actual pain with short periods of rest in between. Eventually of course, labor gets more and more intense, especially during transition, at which point it's really important to let go of the last contraction when it ends, let it go, and allow the next one to come.

Normal: This is what I always tell myself, and if you've watched my vlogs you've heard me say it: women were made to be able to birth a baby. That is such a comforting thought to me, that my body can actually handle this. Of course, not every pregnancy goes completely smoothly with no complications, and thank heavens for the medical technology that saves the lives of moms and babies who unfortunately meet with complications. Pregnancy and birth is a NORMAL, BEAUTIFUL, NECESSARY part of life. What if Eve said after her first baby "screw this I just can't handle it! No more kids for me!" We'd all be in a pickle now wouldn't we? 

Well I don't know how labor really feels, and I'm eager to experience it. I may need medical intervention. I'm open to it, but I'd really like to see what I'm capable of. I've gained such a respect for my body and what it has already done in growing my little girl. I feel like a bystander in awe just watching creation happening to me. I see nature a bit differently now. It's not around me, separate from me, it IS me. 

the GREATEST painkiller

Yesterday my hubby and I attending part 2 of our 2 part natural birth intensive class. Taught by a doula, this (in my opinion) has been the best thing we've done so far to prepare for Nōweo's birth. 

I learned so much about myself and what my needs are going to be during labor. 

For example: I learned that I really REALLY need my husband's touch. 

It is a WONDERFUL pain killer and floods my body with oxytocin.

I can literally FEEL it.

I learned this because we did an exercise where we hold ice for as long as a typical contraction

about a minute, just to gauge our body's response to pain

it's definitely a learning experience.

Certain things may helpful in coping with the pain

music

touch/massage

aromatherapy

a visual focus

someone talking to you

breathing

chanting

this is what I learned REALLY helps me:

music

closed eyes

breathing

and my husband

we did the ice activity while trying different comfort measures

when our teacher finally asked our partners to touch us

whether it was through massage, holding, back rubbing

...whatever...

my husband asked me what i wanted him to do. I said

"Do what comes naturally."

So he just put his hands on my shoulders, buried his head in my neck and 

breathed - slowly and deeply.

I leaned my head on his and synchronized my breath with his

He didn't say anything, but this is he was telling me:

You're not alone

I'm here

This is our daughter

And I am present to help you help her into this world.

There is no place I'd rather be

I love you.

Consumed by love, I was no longer aware of my hand.

or the pain.

and i cried

well...i teared up...

it was too intimate a moment to talk about at the time, 

which i would've had to do if the class had seen.

in short, i feel soooo soooo safe

and Nōweo is going to LOVE her dad

because i do.

firsts

it goes without saying that the most exciting times in our lives often are the firsts.

first day at school

first time riding a bike

first kiss

first job

first house.

our firsts are all centered around number one: me

but in waiting for my daughter to enter my life, firsts no longer become about me, but 

about her. 

the first time i saw that positive pregnancy test and knew 

life would never be the same

because now SHE is in it.

the first time we heard her heart beat

the first time we saw her little 12 week old body

already so human.

the first time i felt her little flutters in my belly.

the first signs of new life.

the first time her father said her name

Nōweo

Pregnancy has brought so many firsts into my life, 

but they are her firsts too. 

and now I live for her.

to watch her have her firsts.

first cry

first smile

first steps.

and i am content to watch her blossom

because as she does, so do i.